Can I share something with you? I will anyway, I trust the people who(m?) I know read this.
You could say that the New Testament breaks down into two basic categories (did I scare you away? Fear not, things get juicy), the gospels and the epistles. The gospels being different accounts of Jesus on earth (fascinating!), and the epistles being various letters from different apostles (encouraging!)
Here's where the real personal stuff comes in. Recently, I discovered that I was only reading the letters, the epistles. They are constantly reminding us to "be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves" (Romans 12:10) and how much we are loved, how all of us are loved no matter what we do, no matter who we are. That we can't lose God's love, and how we can and should become like Him, and love each other, gaining the best lives possible and sharing this joy with other people. I wasn't reading the gospels, I realized, because I was afraid.
The epistles, while true, are written by regular people who are sharing truth with other regular people. I knew that I was missing out on the words of Jesus, God himself. I was afraid of what he was going to say. With the letters, I can easily say to someone: "Look at the context. What did it mean then? What does it mean now?" Since it was coming from normal people giving God's word, it seemed, perhaps, more flexible. Perhaps there was room for human error. The words of Jesus, I felt, left little room for discussion. I was reluctant to take part. I didn't want God to have said anything I couldn't perhaps work around under the guise of human error.
I decided this was something I had to meet head on. I started from the beginning, chapter one of the first gospel (Matthew) and faced my fear. As I read, I was caught by what I seemed to be afraid of. One of the first things Jesus says is, "Repent, for the Kingdom of God is near." (This, I realized, means something far different coming from Jesus than the man on the street corner shouting at you. I can only imagine it being so full of love, Christ telling you how he wants you to be apart of what's going on) Even now I feel the ache of not being able to articulate how this is more a message of hope then condemnation. But you know what? Jesus bailed me out.
He moves on in his message, giving the "beatitudes," blessed are the meek, the persecuted, etc. Next comes love. Love, love, love, that's what it all boils down to. Love God, love others, because that's what God wants. I realized that I was afraid of the most liberating thing about my faith. God knew better than me, imagine that.
My relief continued. I thought of how silly it seemed to thing there was no room for discussion in what Jesus said. That, really, is a terrible fallacy that has crippled so many. he spoke in parables, he spoke in riddles, he often spoke in a way that he absolutely knew would cause discussion. He wants us to talk about it, to wrestle with what he says. When it comes to love, however, there's no wiggle room, but I think you're going to find it hard to find someone who doesn't like that idea.
In the end I was happy for my struggle. It allowed me to re-discover what I believe. God wants us to wrestle with it. He doesn't want us to take everything and swallow it without question. There wouldn't be much worth believing in if that was the case. There would be no interaction, no relationship, just a big thing in the sky watching us, shaking its head when we screwed up. But thankfully, that's not how it is. God wants dialogue with each other, with Him, with what we have and what we discover.
Forgive the ramblings, if you made it all the way to the end I'll buy you a treat.
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