Microwaving the Unmicrowavible

I had a Tostino's pizza this evening. I didn't have an oven, so I microwaved it against dire warnings. I kind of has a pizza stew instead of a pizza pie. It did its job.

I am a pretty emotional person. At its best, I can be a good listener, a sensitive person who tries to help. At its worst, I can be "emo." It's fine, I'm growing as a person. 

There is something about my emotions that I value. First, it is how God made me, and he wants me to learn how to become the best person I can be with them, embrace them, grow. The beautiful thing is this: when I feel my absolute worst, my most "emo," when I feel like I'm being filled with emptiness, I know where I can go, I know what I can do. 

I need God. I need prayer. When I don't know what I need, when I don't know what comfort I want, all I have to do is pray. All I have to do is stand in the silence and feel. God knows what I'm feeling. God knows what I'm trying to say. When I've got a weight that I can't understand sitting on my heart, I can simply sit in the quiet and give it to God. I can say absolutely anything, there's nothing God gets tired of hearing. I can say nothing, and God knows exactly what I couldn't or didn't want to say. 

When I am ecstatic, when everything is going my way, when my joy comes spilling out of my body, I can share it with God. I know God helped me get there. I can share it, I am thankful, I am filled. 

There is one major part of prayer that I am working on: God speaks through the silence. I am trying my best to listen. 

Now I love my friends. I have some of the best in the world, probably better than yours, I'm not going to lie. Here's the thing: I desperately want to invite them to Church. I love them so much, I want them to know about this comfort that I have, this joy that I have, all of it that God wants to share. I want them to know because I love them. For some reason, however, I'm terrified. I'm so scared to ask them to come, just even once. But I'm tired of compartmentalizing, I'm tired of putting people in places in my mind. I want them to know that most important part of my being, my relationship with God, and I want them to see where that all stems from. 

Now I have to listen, I have to love the silence.