I am sitting in the hotel lobby (which is uncommonly busy for a Monday night, much to my chagrin) wearing my bow tie (which, as it turn out, matches my work outfit perfectly, and is something I have resolved to wear for the duration of my shift) eating a pack of Peanut M&M's (which I ingest gladly, not a second thought at all) and missing a place I have never been.
Sorry, that sentence was a bit dense, with an odd curve ball at the end of it. What I mean is that for some reason, I find myself longing for a place I seem to have in my memory, but I know for a fact that it's a place I've never actually been.
It happens mostly when I listen to certain songs. Some music puts me in a place — a physical place — that seems so familiar, so tangible and comforting, that it's almost painful when the song ends. Almost, now that's important. If it was actually painful, then life might be a little too difficult at times, always grasping at a place that I am only imagining.
In the parking lot, in the middle of the night, I'm supposed to walk around throughout the night and keep an eye out for junkies. It's usually completely silent and very dark, and happens to be my favorite time and place to pray (Have you ever tried just standing in silence, not saying anything, and listening to God? It can be rather daunting. Sometimes I can feel God strongest when he speaks through silence, something that can only be experienced. I can't describe it). While I'm out there, I often take several minutes to look at the (rather ghetto) open-faced apartment building next door. It is snuggled by trees on the front and back, and sits in a gentle amber glow from the lights in the parking lot, and all I can think about is how it reminds me of a place I'd love to live, an apartment building I've never been to or even seen, just like it.
I think I know what happens. Perhaps my mind takes several pieces of different places I've liked or loved, and puts them together when some kind of commonality triggers them. A smell, a song, a color scheme, something. Granted, this has nothing to do with anything, I just thought it was a fascinating thing my brain does, and wondered if anyone else has this kind of thing happen to them.
End transmission. (This is Major Tom to ground controoooooooooooooolll!)